Now playing:

Cheryl Cole - Parachute

Dear Blog,

It is almost certain, that I've abandoned you. I haven't been speaking to you for months, and I admit I have quite forgotten you in my surge for success, happiness. I haven't had time nor breathing space to be thinking about you at all. I haven't been speaking like how I used to speak to you back when I was in my secondary school days. Or what I call, my Heydays.

Technically speaking, I shouldn't be remembering you at all even now, much less speaking to you, because of the things I have to attend to in my life that's sapping all the energy from me. But today, somehow something whispered to me "Hey, you still have someone there to hear you speak. It's right there, Ordinarilylived is there for you. It's there for you to help you maintain your sanity"

It is not to say that I'm losing my sanity, or I have lost my sanity..well, there were days I guess, I could feel everything whirling in my head, swaying me, perplexing my heart, my soul, my mind. I could feel myself going mad. I could feel myself hating things I should not be hating, falling out of love with life that I wished I was never born. That I was better off evanescent. I don't feel like I belong to this world.

Perhaps I might be sounding narcissistic in talking about "me" and "I" all the time. So sickening to be hearing me speak eh? LOL.



********
But guess what? I'm strong. No matter what come may, I am strong.
I tell this to myself that strong is my middle name and I shall not falter again. It is almost certain that I am a retainee, but no, I won't fall. Though the thought of leaving 10A03 is disheartening, I guess there has to be some price that I've to pay for what I've erred in my entire year. There has gotta be some compromise. And compromises? I have made too many. I can't afford to commit the same old mistakes anymore, not anymore.
And God shall lead me through wherever I am, He shall be in my life. I don't speak of Him to anyone else, but I speak to Him. Well I thank Him for giving me a strong mind, and for being with me through it all, even though at times I forget you. Forgive me, no one forgives as well as you do.


No more tears, no, I never had tears. Only water from my eyes.